Episode 8 - Just To Be Safe

[jordan]

"Hooker" (1:18:45 PM): hey
pinkertonantics (1:21:39 PM): hey man how's it going
"Hooker" (1:21:57 PM): not bad - just about to have lunch and then do some cleaning!! (yay - lol)
pinkertonantics (1:22:08 PM): haha that sounds like a good little sunday there
"Hooker" (1:22:42 PM): Yea. lol
pinkertonantics (1:23:15 PM): so looks like andrew's out over on the heroes side
"Hooker" (1:23:22 PM): Yea. I saw
"Hooker" (1:23:29 PM): not a big Surprise
pinkertonantics (1:24:08 PM): yeah i know what you mean
pinkertonantics (1:24:18 PM): i wonder when the next challenge is gonna be
"Hooker" (1:24:29 PM): yea. they didn;t give a time eh? just sometime today
"Hooker" (1:25:52 PM): I am almost half expecting it to be individual and then another double
pinkertonantics (1:26:03 PM): yeah i could totally see that
pinkertonantics (1:26:14 PM): he's gonna have at least one double this round for sure
pinkertonantics (1:26:20 PM): i mean with these tribes
"Hooker" (1:26:29 PM): yea - if not now then soon
pinkertonantics (1:27:07 PM): for sure
pinkertonantics (1:27:14 PM): brb!
"Hooker" went idle at 2:09:04 PM.
"Hooker" returned at 2:12:23 PM.
"Hooker" (2:12:50 PM): guess you are still away... so I'll just leave this here and we can talk about it later!!


Auto Response from pinkertonantics (2:12:50 PM): I am away from my computer right now.


"Hooker" (2:14:04 PM): I think we should definately make something offical! I know people (Erik for sure) will probably expect it, but 1) the VIllains are def going ot be outnumbered at merge and 2) I am guessing that you may not have been in the inner circle! (Perhaps I am making a Zach like mistake I dunno - but obviously you're not Zach - lol)
"Hooker" (2:15:30 PM): Anyway. I would like to set up something with you (and Tucker?? I am not sure who you would want) and we can hopefully be the "Cards up each others sleeves"!!! lol. This time we really could make it all the way, and I really believe that we NEED each other to do it!
pinkertonantics (2:17:17 PM): hey!! just got back. good timing
pinkertonantics (2:17:42 PM): i totally agree! and really glad to hear you say that
pinkertonantics (2:18:20 PM): and yeah i think we can make it all the way too if we help each other out

[jordan]

I'm starting to get kind of frustrated with the way this challenge is going so far.
I offered to put the entire thing together if people just uploaded their roasts to the forum. Video or text, doesn't matter. Everyone keeps saying they're bad at making fun of people. That's bullshit. People are just being lazy.

It's been really interesting to see how little people on both sides care about challenges now that heroes and villains are mixed up. None of us are playing for pride anymore. We're all playing very defensive games. Doing just enough to help win challenges but not stick out as threats. Doing just enough to not get voted out but trying not to come off looking like the leader. Real annoying.

[jordan]

I find it really hard to believe that Bud can post stupid blood licking videos about Joel and not find 10 minutes to do a stupid video making fun of Jeffrey. Getting ridiculous.

[jordan]

Tired of waiting for people to send their shit. It's either go to bed and wake up early, hoping that they do it while I'm asleep .. or do the whole thing by myself right now.

Bed looking pretty good.

If I didn't have this goddammed self vote next TC I really wouldn't care about losing. I think I would be in good shape either way. May have to lie to Hooker, but he'd still be down to work together after this. But if my vote makes it 3-3-1, there's no telling who's going next. And I can't lose Stephen. And if they follow Bud's advice I'm out. I really don't want to lose this. But I'm not sure I can do it all this time.

[jordan]

Voiceover: Good evening ladies and gentlemen! It’s the Third Annual Heroes Roast!

Featuring Roasters … The Villians!

With special British Correspondent Tucker.

And an appearance by Joan Rivers.



And now … your Roast Host … with the most … LISA LAMPINELLI!
[IMGhttp://voices.washingtonpost.com/goingoutgurus/lampanelli2.jpg[/IMG]

Lisa: Well HELLO everyone. It’s wonderful to see all of your ugly faces again. I would give a wink to Sandy over there, but he’s gay and I only bang black dudes. I’ve had more black dick in me than the urinal at the Apollo. Is CAPSMATT in the house?

Audience laughter.

But enough about me. That’s not what we’re here for. Tonight we’re here to roast the shit out of a group of people that no one really likes, but everyone pretends to like because everyone’s either afraid of them or wants to lull them into a false sense of security while secretly plotting their demise.

This group of Heroes may look pristine and clean on the surface, but hopefully we’re going to expose a couple of things you may not know about them tonight. Let’s get the party started with JORDAN, who will say a few words about our dear friend TOM.

Audience applauds.

Jordan: Thank you, Lisa. You’re fat and I love you for it.

So it’s no secret that Tom has a thing for older women.

I mean, we all like to hang with Cougars from time to time, but this is ridiculous. Tom’s love for Donna is bordering on stalker-esque. I heard he hid out in the bushes outside of her spacious clapboard trailer estate and took pictures of Donna playing cribbage. After failing to sell them to Playboy Magazine (no one else is into that shit, Tom), I’m sure he went home and enjoyed the pictures in the privacy of his own home. I think a picture of Donna playing Scrabble might kill him.

Joan Rivers is in the house tonight. Tom tried to fuck her, but couldn’t get it up because he thought she looked too young.

I’d now like to take a moment to discuss Tom’s literary achievements. Some of you may know that Tom is writing a book. He’s pretty tight-lipped about the whole project, but I managed to steal a copy!


Allow me to read an excerpt. Ahem…

“Dom, the young stud signed onto Skype and saw the mature woman in his dream, sitting on her webcam, completely nude. Dom had thought she was a beautiful vision, but her username … Honnah123 … told him differently. He felt himself as he imagined her crocheting a scarf with his name on it.”

…where do you come up with this stuff, Tom?

Destined to be a best-seller.

Audience applauds.


Lisa: Thanks, Jordan. And Tom .. speaking for older women everywhere … no thanks.

Laughter.

Lisa: Next we have a very special guest, who couldn’t be here with us in person tonight because he’s off on assignment in London right now, looking for the elusive person who calls herself MEGAN. Let’s take look at what TUCKER’s been able to find so far…


Lisa: Hard hitting stuff there Tucker, thanks for that. Megan may a fake person, but we know one thing: she is DEFINITELY not a real person.

Laughter and general agreement. Someone from the audience yells out “BABY KILLER!!!” and gets thrown out of the venue.


Lisa: Wow. I’m being informed that one of our honorary roasters is actually HERE tonight! We all figured they were going to be too terrified and embarrassed to show up. ERIN, the Heroes own Southern Belle, is here tonight. STEPHEN, come on up and let’s see what she has to say!

Applause and confusion.

Stephen: Welcome, everyone to the Kidz Corner... the segment of the show where we talk with kids to hear what they think is happening in this bizarre world! Today's guest is iSurv1vor's very own... ERIN ENGLE! Bring her in!

Erin stumbles onstage with a wine bottle and glass in her hands.

Erin: Woooooooo hoooooooooooo! Wooooooooooooooooooo! Woooooooooo!

Stephen: Alright, Erin, right over thi... EASY THERE, here we go, come on right over here... there, that's it! Keep going... go... go... OK stop! Take a seat.

Stephen helps beligerently drunk Erin onto her stool

Erin: WOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO YEEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWWW!

Erin claps and cheers, and suddenly falls backwards off her stool. The audience gasps.. Silence for a couple seconds. Erin pops back up in an instant.

Erin: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YEAAAHHHH WOOOOOOOOOO!

Stephen: Alright, let's calm down, everyone. Before we begin, I do want to thank Erin for making time to come on the show toda...

Erin stands up and runs across the stage

Erin: KITTY KITTY KITTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Stephen: Yes, Erin, that is a kitty! Now, what's the big fuss about?

Erin: I LOVE CATS! I HAVE LIKE 500 AT MY HOUSE!

Stephen: That's (under breath) PATHETIC ... so wonderful! Now, let's go back to the stool please, here we go, yes, hold my hand, that's it, goooooood. Ok, so again, thank you, Erin, for coming in to take some questions today.

Erin: Who?

Stephen: ... Um, what?

Erin: Huh?

Stephen: Never mind! Before we lose focus AGAIN, let's get to our first question! Erin, how does it feel to be the oldest person ever to appear on the Kidz Corner?

Erin: Claps and smacks Stephen repeatedly on the shoulder WOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Stephen You can stop hitting me >_< !!!

Erin: IT FEELS GREAT.

Stephen: I must say, you sure do appear much older than 8. Are you sure you gave the producer accurate information?

Erin: I'm 25! When I talked to him, I was eatin myself some Raisin' Canes for supper!

Producer (from backstage): IT WAS THE VOICE!

Stephen: (mumbles) Well she does sound like she's fuckin 6 years old... ANYWAYS, Erin, so what inspired you to make this appearance on the Kidz Corner?

Erin: Huh?

Stephen: Well, surely, you must have some ... interest in children for wanting to be with us today...

Erin: OH, WELL, I WORK AT A PRESCHOOL.

Stephen: Very neat! So, what is your stance on discipling children? Obviously we know physical contact us not acceptab...

Erin: I hit em.

Stephen: You... you... you what?

Erin: Well, they're lucky I don't pull out my dad's rifle he uses for huntin' our fatass geese. Their bellies drag to the ground! Sometimes my mom asks if they can fly. They'd never be able to get off the ground. Breaks into a hysterical laughing attack

Stephen: Let's back up... did you say you HIT your preschoolers?

Erin: A good smackin on the ass aint gonna hurt em!

Stephen: Teachers... don't try that at home. Alright! Moving along, oh, it looks like we're almost out of time! Time flies when you're hav...

As Erin shoves a mouthfull of cookies into her mouth and grabs a capri sun to drink

Erin: Ya know... (some food falls out), you coulda gotten these juices cheaper...

Stephen: Oh, is that right? I believe they were donated to the show anywa...

Erin: Well in Spring Hill, they have a Piggly Wiggly and...

Stephen: A what?

Erin: Suddenly turns evil You don't know what a Piggly Wiggly is?!

Stephen: Um, no, I'm sorry Erin, I really don't. I...

Erin: It's a little store in a small town, and their mascot is this fatass pig! Chugs wine

Stephen: Grabs bottle Ok, that's enough, Erin. Thanks again for your time! Is there any final comment you'd like to add?

Erin: IF YOU MUST HAVE SEX, USE TEPRECTION!

Stephen walks her offstage in disgust. Audience has no idea what's going on.

Lisa: Wow. I haven’t seen anyone that drunk and violent since my ex-husband left me!

Audience does not react. A few nervous claps.

Lisa: I’m just kidding, black people are never violent!

Audience laughs and applauds. Shot of Mr. T. looking furious.


Speaking of minorities, the next Roast-ee for tonight is the beautiful MORGAN. And JORDAN will be doing the honors. Jordan, c’mon back!

Jordan: Thanks again Lisa. Still wouldn’t do you. Wouldn’t know which flap to stick it in.

You may have heard that Mexicans are hard-working folk. They’ll do jobs that no one in their right mind would ever choose to do and get paid nothing for them. Landscaping. Sewage treatment. Waiting tables at a California Pizza Kitchen … oh sorry that’s more of a Canadian thing.

But one person .. we’re not sure if she’s actually Mexican. But for some reason she actual CHOOSES to live in Mexico. Morgan chose to live in Mexico even though her next door neighbor is a crack den run by a guy named El Guapo. She never played hide and seek growing up because no one bothers to look for Mexicans when they go missing. Her neighbor Juan got MY television for Navidad last year. There aren’t any Mexicans in Hell because they jumped the border. The only difference between a Mexican and an elevator is that an elevator can raise children.

I’m sorry, I get carried away with Mexicans. And we’re not here to make fun of Mexicans, we’re here to make fun of Morgan.
Morgan. You seem like a nice person. But you’re kind of short. You don’t speak English very well and haven’t really tried to learn because “es too hot today.” So far in this game you’ve mooched off the successes of those around you without really participating in anything yourself. You kind of hope no one notices you’re not doing anything so that they’ll keep paying you even though you really haven’ t done any work at all.

Wait a minute. Come to think of it …you kind of sound like a Mexican!

Riots in the streets, drug cartels start shooting each other, a Mariachi band begins playing the Mexican Hat Dance in the lobby



Lisa: Well let’s calm things down a little bit now. This is getting out of hand. Wait .. wait puts finger to ear we have a SPECIAL REPORT coming in from our British Correspondent TUCKER. Tucker, what is it!?

Tucker (over the phone): Lisa, I’ve just been informed that prominent iSurv1vor contestant Jeffrey Herro Mi Fuk U Rong Tyme was found dead in his luxurious apartment in Pok Mi Dong Province at the age of 18 surrounded by Fifty Asian Ladyboys who fled the scene with 7 million yen.

Early reports claim that he entered a local bath-house with a few close friends that had inflatable sheep and a small child in tow carrying a liquor bottle in a brown paper bag. Many people attending at the same time claimed that he was heavily intoxicated shouting "bring on the slanty eyed bitches!" and sometime later, was seen punching Lucy Liu for her performance in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle.

Staff members were accustomed to the Americans sense of humor which was heavily brushed off, but Police have not ruled out that a member of staff was responsible.

A source close to Jeffrey stated that "he ruv vewwy gentwee lyk a man should" The death is being treated as suspicious … and hilarious. Asian sensation Se7en has gone on record to say he is "relieved" that he no longer receives stained underwear from him.
We’ll keep you updated as this story develops. Lisa?

Audience laughs and applauds.




Lisa: Wow, didn’t know that was going to happen. Fits in with the night though, huh?

Now we have a very special guest joining us. They’re calling him the next Oprah. Only problem is he’s running a talk show out of his living room and apparently forgot to buy lights. And guests. And dignity. Here’s HOOKER, spending a little time with ERIC. I mean, ERIK.



Lisa: Well that was just disturbing, wasn’t it? Fucking sheep, questionable lisps, falsetto … sounds like my fourth marriage.

Audience laughs kind of. Congressman Joe Wilson yells out “You lie!!!”


Lisa: Yeesh. Tough crowd. Next we have … wait a minute … goddammit really? Tucker, our British Correspondent has ANOTHER update on questionable activity by ANOTHER hero. I can’t believe this. Tucker? Can you hear me?

Tucker: Yes Lisa … I’ve just been informed that former iSurv1vor Hawaii and current Heroes vs Villains contestant Ashley Young was seen dancing from Tribal Council when fellow Canadian Allan Fogg was eliminated from the competition going on record that she is relieved now that she will finally get some camera time and exposure to the kindness of the series.

The 2nd runner up of Hawaii has been regarded by many as Allan's right hand bitch since pre-game when she appeared in videos with him running around in their local woodland area thinking they were actually on the CBS Television show. But behind the scenes she was secretly doing nothing whatsoever to try and get her closest friend out of the game.

Alumni questioned her participation on the show, with one stating that she "isn't even nice to look at" whilst others called her "a dirty hooker with that shade of lipstick" - but what will Ashley do now to try and keep herself in the competition? Many have gone on record that she will have to show some skin to survive, but her current team are all either in broken relationships, fisting one another with a hidden idol or missing their significant other whilst out in the bush.
Lisa? Back to you.

Lisa: Jesus Christ, that is one desperate bitch.

Audience begins to talk to each other, probably discussing how messed up the Heroes tribe is.

Lisa: Okay, you know what? I’ve had it. We’ve had some laughs tonight, but this is getting ridiculous. I think we should quit while we’re on top. What do you say?

Audience gives the biggest cheer of the night.
Brendan Fraser explodes.

Lisa: Thanks to everyone who participated this evening. I’ll never forget you. This is your host, Lisa Lampinelli, saying Good Night … and Fuck You.

[jordan]

So I just basically did that entire challenge by myself. With help from Tucker. And I actually feel really good about it. I think we have a good chance to win. Take that, accusations of inactivity.

Also, Bud and RB, fuck yourselves. Seems like you might be throwing this challenge. And the last one. If I didn't have that damn self-vote to worry about Bud would be the next one gone. No question. But now I have to do what I can to try and get them to vote for Stephen. And then pray that my non-vote doesn't count for re-votes too. How ironic would it be if I get ousted due to an inactivity self-vote after losing a challenge that I did myself. Guess it's all part of the game.

But I think we have a good chance. I acutally really like the way the Roast turned out. It's unique, fairly funny, and shows we put a tremendous amount of effort into it. Hopefully that's exactly what they're looking for.

[jordan]

pinkertonantics (10:02:56 AM): nice. how is it
"Tucker" (10:03:03 AM): just watching it now
"Tucker" (10:03:58 AM): he's doing a lisp
pinkertonantics (10:04:20 AM): oy
"Tucker" (10:04:31 AM): just uploading onto YT now, gonna take 50 minutes.
pinkertonantics (10:05:18 AM): ha alright
pinkertonantics (10:05:25 AM): im starting to write the connecting pieces
"Tucker" (10:05:31 AM): cool.
pinkertonantics (10:05:49 AM): i dunno though i still think it'll come out pretty scattershot
pinkertonantics (10:06:14 AM): and someone else is gonna have to do RB and Bud's work
"Tucker" (10:06:44 AM): if it pieces together then cool. i can put together something for RB and Bud
"Tucker" (10:12:40 AM): just as a back up
pinkertonantics (10:18:23 AM): yeah for sure
pinkertonantics (10:18:47 AM): we have like 5 hours .. plenty o time
"Tucker" (10:19:07 AM): good times. will get to work. juice's audio show doesnt work either
pinkertonantics (10:21:38 AM): yeah didnt work for me either
"Tucker" (10:21:59 AM):
pinkertonantics (10:22:22 AM): oh! i forgot to tell you this. yesterday hooker brought up the possibility of us working together
"Tucker" (10:22:43 AM): us as in the three of us?
pinkertonantics (10:22:49 AM): yeah and i think RB too is his plan
pinkertonantics (10:23:07 AM): keep this DL for now of course, but his arguement is that we need him now
pinkertonantics (10:23:10 AM): and then he's going to need us later
"Tucker" (10:23:26 AM): we've got juice too.
pinkertonantics (10:23:30 AM): yeah, he doesn't know that
pinkertonantics (10:23:42 AM): at least it seems like he doesnt
"Tucker" (10:23:43 AM): Bud mentioned working together last night too. I suspect alongside RB.
pinkertonantics (10:23:54 AM): yeah?
"Tucker" (10:24:02 AM): yeah, very briefly
pinkertonantics (10:24:34 AM): same kind of arguement?
"Tucker" (10:24:51 AM): nah, he never once mentioned chris or juice.
pinkertonantics (10:25:02 AM): gotcha. they could be just trying to lull us into a false sense of security, or could be scrambling
"Tucker" (10:25:20 AM): mhm
pinkertonantics (10:25:25 AM): i still think sticking with stephen and juice is our best move though
pinkertonantics (10:26:02 AM): c
"Tucker" (10:26:09 AM): definitely
"Tucker" (10:26:29 AM): bud keeps going on about a final four alliance over on the other side but its just rumor
"Tucker" (10:26:32 AM): hes got nothing solid
pinkertonantics (10:26:41 AM): yeah he's been saying that to me too
pinkertonantics (10:27:01 AM): and even IF that's true (and i dont think it is), you/me/stephen/erin/juice can knock that off
pinkertonantics (10:27:14 AM): but i dont think bud knows what he's talking about
"Tucker" (10:27:24 AM): nah, hes determined that juice is going to flip
"Tucker" (10:28:07 AM): But if Hooker wants to work with RB then he'll know about him targetting us both
pinkertonantics (10:28:40 AM): yeah. if bud wants to work with you though then he's probably after me
"Tucker" (10:29:00 AM): he told me i'm not leaving "anytime soon"
pinkertonantics (10:29:09 AM): ha
pinkertonantics (10:29:28 AM): hooker told me he wouldn't vote for me. so they're either splitting, lying, or going after stephen
"Tucker" (10:29:57 AM): yikes
"Tucker" (10:30:26 AM): he's still got the big target on him from 13 then
pinkertonantics (10:31:02 AM): yeah, i dont know how much i believe hooker though
"Tucker" (10:31:18 AM): nah, juice is the pivotal player now
pinkertonantics (10:31:47 AM): yup
pinkertonantics (10:32:06 AM): and he's really been making the effort to show us he's with us. i dont think he's lying about that
"Tucker" (10:32:28 AM): good stuff ^__^
pinkertonantics (10:32:43 AM): hope so
"Tucker" (10:33:15 AM): its all we can go on, but if they had the advantage why would they bother coming to us instead of the other way around?
pinkertonantics (10:33:46 AM): well, if hooker isn't lying, it's because they know the villains are going to be outnumbered come merge
"Tucker" (10:33:55 AM): def.
pinkertonantics (10:34:04 AM): with stickman gone over there and megan definitely next
"Tucker" (10:34:06 AM): they'd get purged one by one
pinkertonantics (10:34:08 AM): jeffrey's aligned with the heroes
pinkertonantics (10:34:16 AM): it's really just the three of them left
"Tucker" (10:34:27 AM): RB, Hooker, Bud
pinkertonantics (10:34:29 AM): yup
"Tucker" (10:34:54 AM): Bud spoke about the underdog alliance in FvF I was apart of and that it needed to be revived.
pinkertonantics (10:35:25 AM): was that the one with RB ?
"Tucker" (10:35:45 AM): yeah, but he was never part of the decision making - just a number
pinkertonantics (10:36:25 AM): gotcha
pinkertonantics (10:36:29 AM): who else was involved?
"Tucker" (10:36:39 AM): in that original alliance?
pinkertonantics (10:37:49 AM): yeah .. or was bud just talking about another "underdog" alliance
"Tucker" (10:38:11 AM): the original alliance was joey, lorii, evan, me and rb
"Tucker" (10:38:22 AM): then we had alyssa and jason as stragglers
"Tucker" (10:38:42 AM): so 3 favs, 4 fans
pinkertonantics (10:41:32 AM): so what was Bud talking about then?
"Tucker" (10:41:55 AM): probably a revival of that alliance with new members
pinkertonantics (10:42:34 AM): gotcha
"Tucker" (10:43:12 AM): i didnt give him anything to work with though, i can tell what he's doing
pinkertonantics (10:43:34 AM): yeah
pinkertonantics (10:44:05 AM): i wanna get him out
pinkertonantics (10:44:08 AM): haha
"Tucker" (10:44:18 AM): hes very aware that he'll be targetted
pinkertonantics (10:44:51 AM): so he's just trying to counteract that
pinkertonantics (10:44:58 AM): making people think they have bigger problems
"Tucker" (10:45:02 AM): mhm
pinkertonantics (10:45:18 AM): paranoia is a dangerous thing
"Tucker" (10:45:32 AM): got better things to think about personally lol
pinkertonantics (10:45:41 AM): haha yes
"Tucker" (10:46:54 AM): ugh this video is taking forever
pinkertonantics (10:49:42 AM): yeah this has been like a 5 hour process
pinkertonantics (10:49:45 AM): how long is it like 2 minutes?
"Tucker" (10:49:57 AM): 1 minute 48
"Tucker" (10:51:26 AM): and its on 86% completion on youtube
pinkertonantics (10:52:26 AM): insane
"Tucker" (10:57:16 AM): 97%
"Tucker" (11:03:58 AM): hookers vid is up on the board
pinkertonantics (11:05:31 AM): oh man. thats certainly a lisp.
"Tucker" (11:05:34 AM): mhm
pinkertonantics (11:05:40 AM): wow
"Tucker" signed off at 11:10:19 AM.
"Tucker" is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.
"Tucker" signed on at 12:02:28 PM.
"Tucker" (12:02:35 PM): im working on a jeffrey roast
"Tucker" (12:02:42 PM):

Jeffrey Found Dead With Fifty Questionable Asian Girls

Prominent iSurv1vor contestant Jeffrey Herro Mi Fuk U Rong Tyme was found dead in his luxurious apartment in Pok Mi Dong Province at the age of 23 surrounded by Fifty Asian Ladyboys who fled the scene with 7 million yen.

Early reports claim that he entered a local bath-house with a few close friends that had inflatable sheep and a small child in tow carrying a liquor bottle in a brown paper bag. Many people attending at the same time claimed that he was heavily intoxicated shouting "bring on the slanty eyed bitches!"

A source close to Jeffrey stated that "he ruv vewwy gentwee lyk a man should" The death is being treated as suspicious and hilarious.
pinkertonantics (12:02:57 PM): hahaha
pinkertonantics (12:03:00 PM): awesome
"Tucker" (12:03:08 PM): im working on it more though
pinkertonantics (12:03:27 PM): cool. im working on the script right now. if they dont find it funny it's at least going to look like we put a ton of work into it
"Tucker" (12:03:33 PM): true dat
"Tucker" (12:06:20 PM): done
pinkertonantics (12:06:36 PM): awesome
pinkertonantics (12:06:37 PM): post er up
pinkertonantics (12:06:44 PM): wanna write one for ashley
"Tucker" (12:06:49 PM): sure
pinkertonantics (12:06:51 PM): or morgan
pinkertonantics (12:06:52 PM): ill do the other one
pinkertonantics (12:06:58 PM): im formatting stephen's right now
"Tucker" (12:07:06 PM): i'll work on Ashleys
"Tucker" (12:13:23 PM):

Ashley doesn't miss Allan, she misses having screen time

Former iSurv1vor Hawaii and current Heroes vs Villains contestant Ashley Young was seen dancing from Tribal Council when fellow Canadian Allan Fogg was eliminated from the competition going on record that she is relieved now that she will finally get some camera time and exposure to the kindness of the series.

The 2nd runner up of Hawaii has been regarded by many as Allan's right hand bitch since pre-game when she appeared in videos with him running around in their local woodland area thinking they were actually on the CBS Television show. But behind the scenes she was secrectly doing nothing whatsoever to try and get her closest friend out of the game.


pinkertonantics (12:13:41 PM): hahah love it
pinkertonantics (12:13:51 PM): im framing them as "cut ins" from our British correspondent during the proceeds
pinkertonantics (12:13:54 PM): proceedings
"Tucker" (12:13:59 PM): nice
pinkertonantics (12:15:48 PM): that done or gonna add more? i think its good as it stands
"Tucker" (12:16:19 PM): im adding a little more
pinkertonantics (12:16:24 PM): cool
"Tucker" (12:17:31 PM):

Ashley doesn't miss Allan, she misses having screen time

Former iSurv1vor Hawaii and current Heroes vs Villains contestant Ashley Young was seen dancing from Tribal Council when fellow Canadian Allan Fogg was eliminated from the competition going on record that she is relieved now that she will finally get some camera time and exposure to the kindness of the series.

The 2nd runner up of Hawaii has been regarded by many as Allan's right hand bitch since pre-game when she appeared in videos with him running around in their local woodland area thinking they were actually on the CBS Television show. But behind the scenes she was secrectly doing nothing whatsoever to try and get her closest friend out of the game.

Alumni questioned her participation on the show, with one stating that she "isn't even nice to look at" whilst others called her "a dirty hooker with that shade of lipstick" - but what will Ashley do now to try and keep herself in the competition? Many have gone on record that she will have to show some skin to survive, but her current team are all either in broken relationships, fisting one another with a hidden idol or missing their significat other whilst out in the bush.
"Tucker" (12:18:08 PM): DONE
pinkertonantics (12:20:23 PM): love it
pinkertonantics (12:21:57 PM): just gotta figure out how to end this
pinkertonantics (12:22:02 PM): i dont wanna end with hooker's video
"Tucker" (12:22:45 PM): write something up at the bottom, like a signing off thing like they do on tv
pinkertonantics (12:23:14 PM): oh yeah for sure - im thinking about which roast should go last
pinkertonantics (12:23:39 PM): i put yours second because it was the most work into it and also the longest (attention span will still be in tact )
"Tucker" (12:23:52 PM): who's is first?
pinkertonantics (12:23:59 PM): me doing tom
"Tucker" (12:24:04 PM): good stuff
pinkertonantics (12:24:18 PM): its short and has pictures
pinkertonantics (12:24:19 PM): of donna
"Tucker" (12:24:28 PM): niiice
"Tucker" (12:25:12 PM): let me know when its up so i can post it in the threads title so the hosts can look for it
"Tucker" (12:25:16 PM): is that everybody roasted now?
pinkertonantics (12:25:21 PM): still need to finish up morgan
pinkertonantics (12:25:40 PM): having trouble thinking of a topic because she lives in mexico
pinkertonantics (12:25:48 PM): i could play up the whole doesnt do challenges thing
pinkertonantics (12:25:51 PM): last picked on the playground
pinkertonantics (12:25:58 PM): besides* she lives in mexico
pinkertonantics (12:26:00 PM): not because haha
"Tucker" (12:26:08 PM): do something about how mexicans dont do shit for a good payout but will for bad jobs
pinkertonantics (12:26:21 PM): and tie that back to her performance in the game so far
pinkertonantics (12:26:22 PM): i like that
pinkertonantics (12:26:23 PM): haha
"Tucker" (12:26:50 PM): you could mention that mexicans have had the worst case of divorces and break ups in the last two weeks then ever
"Tucker" (12:27:07 PM): hinting at her break-up
pinkertonantics (12:27:54 PM): ha i was thinking that ..
pinkertonantics (12:28:01 PM): too cruel? sandy didnt like the cruelness last time
pinkertonantics (12:28:02 PM): haha
"Tucker" (12:28:09 PM): hm true
"Tucker" (12:28:17 PM): but if its worded right it might get laughs
pinkertonantics (12:28:31 PM): true
pinkertonantics (12:28:43 PM): heres the order ive got btw:
pinkertonantics (12:29:21 PM): Jordan/Tom - speech, Tucker/Megan - video, Stephen/Erin - dialogue, Tucker/Jeff - Speech, Hooker/Erik - video, Tucker/Ashley - speech, Jordan/Morgan - speech/pictures
pinkertonantics (12:29:22 PM): then a close
pinkertonantics (12:29:27 PM): trying to mix up the media formats
pinkertonantics (12:29:27 PM): haha
"Tucker" (12:29:37 PM): good stuff
"Tucker" (12:29:49 PM): the iOn1on
pinkertonantics (12:29:56 PM): hahaaa yes
"Tucker" signed off at 12:30:18 PM.
"Tucker" is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.
"Tucker" (1:11:38 PM): hows it coming along now
pinkertonantics (1:11:48 PM): posting now
pinkertonantics (1:11:51 PM): edit away
"Tucker" (1:11:53 PM): good stuff
pinkertonantics (1:11:59 PM): ive been staring at this too long to know whats a good edit
pinkertonantics (1:11:59 PM): haha
"Tucker" (1:12:15 PM): i'll look at it with fresh eyes and hit you up with anything amiss
pinkertonantics (1:12:37 PM): posted
"Tucker" (1:14:04 PM): argh stupid internet
"Tucker" (1:14:43 PM): reading now
"Tucker" (1:15:04 PM): Lisa Lampinelli's image is broken
pinkertonantics (1:15:38 PM): eff that
pinkertonantics (1:15:38 PM): hahah
pinkertonantics (1:17:03 PM): fixed
"Tucker" (1:17:18 PM): i love stephens roast
pinkertonantics (1:17:23 PM): yeah me too
pinkertonantics (1:17:27 PM): it works in this context too
pinkertonantics (1:17:34 PM): if it was like 6 videos and that itd be lame
"Tucker" (1:17:38 PM): mhm
pinkertonantics (1:17:40 PM): but its a good mix now
"Tucker" (1:19:16 PM): looks good man
"Tucker" (1:19:18 PM): bravisimo
pinkertonantics (1:19:31 PM): ha i did what i could - came out better than expected i think
"Tucker" (1:19:59 PM): its very good. will be tightly contested.
pinkertonantics (1:20:12 PM): have you heard anything the other guys are doing?
"Tucker" (1:20:19 PM): nothing, you?
pinkertonantics (1:20:28 PM): nope. erik said "youll see gotta run!"
pinkertonantics (1:20:30 PM): could mean anything
pinkertonantics (1:20:30 PM): haha
"Tucker" (1:20:43 PM): niice.
"Tucker" (1:20:46 PM): competition <3
pinkertonantics (1:20:51 PM): aw yeah
"Tucker" (1:21:41 PM): i can work on some headline graphics i fyou want?
pinkertonantics (1:21:49 PM): please
"Tucker" (1:22:03 PM): no problem, will send the links
pinkertonantics (1:22:29 PM): i still think it ends kind of abruptly. maybe thats a good thing
pinkertonantics (1:22:31 PM): i just got sick of it
pinkertonantics (1:22:31 PM): haha
"Tucker" (1:23:10 PM): dont blame ya.
pinkertonantics (1:23:55 PM): maybe should put the mexican riot at the end .. that would make more sense
pinkertonantics (1:23:59 PM): cinco de mayo to
pinkertonantics (1:24:00 PM): too
pinkertonantics (1:24:04 PM): im just nitpicking now
pinkertonantics (1:24:04 PM): haha
"Tucker" (1:24:17 PM): haha, anything titlewise you want up?
pinkertonantics (1:28:34 PM): yeah i definitely like that order better
pinkertonantics (1:28:48 PM): ha for the segments ?
"Tucker" (1:28:51 PM): yeah
pinkertonantics (1:30:14 PM): well you have em for your cut ins .. think the hooker one needs something?
pinkertonantics (1:30:22 PM): brb i need a soup haha
"Tucker" (1:30:32 PM): i'm doing one for all of them
"Tucker" (1:36:32 PM): Ashley Roast i43.tinypic.com/dw9y6a.jpg
"Tucker" (1:36:47 PM): Erik Roast i40.tinypic.com/2il1td.jpg
"Tucker" (1:37:04 PM): Jeffrey Roast i43.tinypic.com/213pvmc.jpg
"Tucker" (1:37:21 PM): Morgan Roast i43.tinypic.com/oiyczb.jpg
"Tucker" (1:37:36 PM): Main Title i44.tinypic.com/ev5sbd.jpg
"Tucker" (1:37:48 PM): Erin Roast i41.tinypic.com/2a69ilz.jpg
"Tucker" (1:38:03 PM): Tom Roast i39.tinypic.com/rayeip.jpg
"Tucker" (1:38:20 PM): Megan Roast i42.tinypic.com/2ahf9yq.jpg
"Tucker" (1:38:24 PM): ok i'm off to babysit
"Tucker" (1:38:27 PM): byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[jordan]

Well this blows. Looks like the self-vote got announced in public. That's cool. Looks like Sandy's kicking me out of the game.

[jordan]

...or maybe not:

no effing way
Jordan Gremli
TheHooker0065About the loss?
yeah, and my self vote
Jordan Gremli
i thought i had enough!!!
Jordan Gremli
TheHooker0065not a self-vote just not allowed to cast one
oh yah?
Jordan Gremli
i read it on my phone and freaked
Jordan Gremli
i had confessionals last round, i guess they were just too late...
Jordan Gremli
man
Jordan Gremli
TheHooker0065whatever - it's nat going to matter in this one
TheHooker0065not* (and that isn;t bad - btw!!!)
no?? what are you hearing
Jordan Gremli
TheHooker0065Ok - this is the deal. Bud and Rb threw that comp (Obviously) and now seem to expect me and Juice to simply just vote out you or Tucker... (here comes the good part)
right
Jordan Gremli
TheHooker0065Juice and I have decided to blindside Bud!
TheHooker0065
i am indebted to you forever for that
Jordan Gremli
haha
Jordan Gremli
TheHooker0065just shh obviously as I want this to be a total suprprise (He keeps doing things without telling me or Juice anyway so we want himn to feel it back)
oh absolutely
Jordan Gremli
throwing that challenge is low
Jordan Gremli
TheHooker0065Now, I am REALLY putting myself out on a limb here, Tucker swears he wants me near the end (I asked for a final 4 guarantee) and I trust you, so I hope I am not blowing it here, but I have no intention of simply sitting back and letting Bud make all the choices and just telling me what to do!
I really appreciate that man
Jordan Gremli
i'm talking to juice. unless he's pulling our legs and lying through his teeth we are good
Jordan Gremli
so even with the self vote .. 4-3
Jordan Gremli
TheHooker0065He is doing this - I am sure - the moment I mentioned "making a move" he was all over it
TheHooker0065He was low end on Bud's totem pole and he knew it
i love this
Jordan Gremli
so much
Jordan Gremli
throwing that challenge was so shitty
Jordan Gremli
TheHooker0065I agree and it dug his own grave
9:10 PM
TheHooker0065So obviously I want to replace Rb with Juice in the alliance now (Lmao - good thing I never talked to Rb - but Tucker says RB would never have been loyal to that alliance anyway and would have sold us out - so it probably works alot better with Juice!!))
TheHooker0065And I like Juice more anyway!! lol
yeah for sure - i had talked to Juice very briefly about flipping, but he seemed a little unsure at first
Jordan Gremli
so i'm really glad to take him in and kick RB out
Jordan Gremli
esp because im not sure about tucker & RB's relationshsip
Jordan Gremli
TheHooker0065Yea, as soon as I mentioned it to Tucker he right away said RB was after him and that he would never do anything without telling Bud (And I so know that Bud considers RB his #1, so)
i really REALLY want bud out
Jordan Gremli
any means
Jordan Gremli
TheHooker0065A few days ago I thought Rb and me were close but he never told me anything about wanting to throw the comp
im glad thatll prove to be his downfall
Jordan Gremli
TheHooker0065Well I was only using him as a shield to keep attention off me anyway - lol
TheHooker0065Bud I mean
yeah for sure
Jordan Gremli
thats a good strategy 
Jordan Gremli
TheHooker0065OK - well I got to leave the screen for a bit - time to take the kids to bed
cool man. you guys vote yet?
Jordan Gremli
TheHooker0065I havn't sent yet no
TheHooker0065I just did confession after I answered tribal Q's
alright 

Looks like Hooker and Juice are in. Bud should be voted out 4-3. AND now I don't have to lie to Hooker. This could end up being a good thing after all...?

[jordan]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!


Jeffrey gave me the idol.

JEFFREY GAVE ME THE IDOL.

I HAVE THE IDOL.

I AM 100% GUARANTEED SAFE IN THIS GAME.

...but what to do with it?

[jordan]

I am not sure why Jeffrey did this. Maybe he was convinced by the Heroes over there. I hate being indebted to everyone like this, but ya know .. meh. My first, gut reaction, was that I absolutely have to play this. Just to be safe.

But here's the thing. Hooker and Juice both told me about that 4-3 blindside Bud plan. But man I am really nervous about this. Hooker and Juice could be lying, and I really don't want to go down on a vote-block technicality WITH an immunity idol in hand. I'm going to talk to Tucker and maybe Stephen tonight or tomorrow morning before I do anything, but I'd feel incredibly uncomfortable not using it tonight because of this self vote. If I had a vote no way I'd use it. But if either Juice or Hooker is lying to me, I'm out when I had a guaranteed way to stay in. I understand the dilemma but it's risky. I don't THINK they are lying but .. ehhhhh ..

Also, wouldn't it be fun to see Bud's reaction when I use the idol AND THEN he gets blindsided? He fucking threw that challenge that I did by myself and I want to destroy him for it. Maybe after I cool down I'll rethink. But that's where I am.

Either way. I am going to win. I am going to get Bud out. I am going to blindside Bud at least once and I am going to love it.

THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR THROWING THIS FUCKING CHALLENGE THAT I DID MYSELF, YOU FUCKING BITCH.

[jordan]

4Just talked to Stephen. I'm gonna play it. It's too risky to not play it and this will be a great opportunity to see if Juice and Hooker are really voting with us. I'll just tell them I didn't clue them in on the idol because I didn't decide to use it until the very last minute. They won't have a choice but to respect that.

If Megan gets the clue .. so be it. Maybe she'll find it and maybe she won't. It'll make life harder for them on the other side for a bit but I think we'll be okay. We're ok this time, aren't we?

For now Stephen, Erik, and Jeffrey are the only people that know this is happening. I'll tell Tucker tomorrow, and that's all the people that will know. Until I completely fuck Bud over. This is going to be so sweet.

[jordan]

Do I tell Hooker and Juice about the idol?

+ : If they know, they will absolutely all vote for whoever I tell them and the vote will certainly 100% be for Bud.
But I wouldn't know if they were actually planning on voting for him before they knew I had the idol in hand. And if they ARE messing with us, me telling them would certainly cause them to change their votes to Stephen or Tucker, totally ruining the purpose of telling them!

-- : If they don't know, they could be angry that they weren't included in the idol facet of this excellent plan.
If they don't know, they could vote for Stephen or Tucker by accident and not know what a huge mistake that would be. But if they're messing with us and didn't know, they'd vote for me and all of those votes would be negated.

Tough call.
...maybe I tell one of em?

I LOVE HAVING THIS MUCH POWER. FUCK YOU, BUD.